BENNY BITS—AND SUPERB WRITERS

I’VE BEEN COLLECTING HUMOROUS BITS from The Jack Benny Program, as heard on SiriusXM “Radio Classics.” As noted by Wikipedia, “The show ran for over three decades, from 1932 to 1955 on radio, and from 1950 to 1965 on television. What’s more, Wikipedia assembles a list of writers contributing to the fun, among them: Harry Conn, Al Boasberg, Edmund Beloin, John Tackaberry, and Hilliard Marks.

Here’s a plan for what follows: Favorite bits of humor, all in quotes and in no particular order, are interspersed with tidbits gleaned about selected writers and from my usual Internet roaming. I hope you share my giggles.

A One-Liner. “I took my girlfriend to dinner and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.”

Harry Conn—There at the Beginning. Kathryn Fuller-Seeley offers a fascinating tale of “How Jack Benny and Harry Conn Stumbled Onto The Formula for Situation Comedy,” Humanities the Magazine of the National Endowment for the Humanities, Summer 2017, Volume 38, Number 3.

She recounts, “It was 9:30 p.m. on Monday, May 2, 1932, and chilly in the old roof garden atop Broadway’s New Amsterdam Theater. A small, glass-enclosed broadcasting booth had been erected on the stage where Florenz Ziegfeld once produced risqué summer revues. Inside the booth, 38-year-old vaudevillian Jack Benny nervously contemplated the microphone in front of him…. This was the inaugural episode of a twice-weekly, half-hour musical program sponsored by Canada Dry Ginger Ale, a live show nationally broadcast on the NBC radio network.” 

Indeed, the episode is part of the SiriusXM “Radio Classics” catalogue.

Fuller-Seeley relates, “Benny sought out one of the vaudeville writers he had occasionally purchased jokes from: Harry Conn, a tap-dancing former vaudevillian who now wrote full time, penning routines for dozens of comedians and for Mae West’s Broadway shows in the 1920s. The two quickly became partners, working closely together week in and out to create, edit, and perfect the dialog.”

A Doctor’s View. Told he’s disturbed, Benny considers seeking a second opinion. The psychiatrist responds, “Okay, you’re ugly too.”

Al Boasberg. It was Al who invented Benny’s skinflint persona (completely alien to the latter’s real self). Also, Wikipedia notes that “on the last day before his death, Boasberg wrote the lines that introduced the enduring Rochester character on Benny’s radio show.”

Setups to Cast Members. Jack often offered the setup to Rochester, Mary Livingstone, Dennis Day, Phil Harris, and other cast members. For instance, Jack and Rochester had running jokes about the (Mel Blanc-sounded) Maxwell.

Trade-In Time? Rochester: “Why don’t you get one of those new Hudsons… They’re so low you step down into them.” Benny: “Well, you step down into this car.” Rochester: “I know, but the Hudson has a floor.” 

A Mary Livingstone One-Liner: She says, “Here’s a letter from ‘Nobody, Montana.’ ” Jack corrects, “That’s ‘North Butte.’ ”

Edmund Beloin. Beloin was a medical student prior to switching direction in 1931. Wikipedia recounts, “He created the character of Mr. Billingsley, Benny’s zany, oft-hungover boarder who frequently made non sequitur remarks. Beloin liked the character so much that he played the role.”

Benny’s Basement Vault. Another repeating joke had Benny visiting his basement vault and chatting with its guard Ed: Wikipedia relates, “Ed asked Benny, ‘By the way, Mr. Benny … what’s it like on the outside?’ Benny responded, ‘… winter is nearly here, and the leaves are falling.’ Ed responded,’ ‘Hey, that must be exciting,’ to which Benny replied (in a stunningly risqué joke for the period), ‘Oh, no – people are wearing clothes now.’”

John Tackaberry. Tackaberry was Australian-born; his father, an ex-pat Texan; his mother, a New Zealander. The family moved to Houston, where John worked in the Texas oil fields before changing careers in 1943. John was part of the Benny crew from 1944 until 1961. Wikipedia notes, “In 1946 he wrote the lyrics for a song called ‘Pickle In The Middle With The Mustard On Top.’ This song was written as part of a comedy routine on the Benny show. However, it became number one in the country for two weeks.”

Across Kansas in a Movie Parody. Benny narrated, “The car stopped in front of us. It was the latest model driven by a beautiful girl in a convertible top. [Pause]. I could tell from the dark part in her blonde hair she had just converted it.” Along in the drive: The blonde mentions, “I got an aunt who lives in a suburb of Los Angeles.” “Glendale?,” Benny asks. “No, Tehachapi,” she replies.

Hilliard Marks. In a typical signoff, The Jack Benny Show gave credit to its particular list of writers at the time. A familiar name was Hilliard Marks, who worked for brother-in-law Benny for more than 40 years as producer/script assembler. (See the Marks connection at “Celebrating Sadye Marks/Mary Livingstone,” SimanaitisSays, January 13, 2026.) Marks’ daughter said her father was responsible for the running joke of Benny being only 39 years old.

Another Favorite: I’ve already cited a favorite product of Benny’s writers in “I Wish I Said That (First),” SimanaitisSays, July 1, 2015: “In one dream sequence, Jack’s often exasperated neighbor, English actor Ronald Colman, is imitated saying, “If I were king, if I were king… each of my subjects would have five acres of land, a ten-room house and a glass with lipstick stains on it.”

I love the multiple layers of recognition. ds

© Dennis Simanaitis, SimanaitisSays.com, 2026