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SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH: REPUBLICANS EVOLVE TO HAVE SPINES IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS!

“EVOLUTION IS CHANGE in the heritable characteristics of biological populations over successive generations,” this, according to Wikipedia. In ordinary times, these changes take eons to evolve. However, as you might have noted, these are not ordinary times. 

Charles Robert Darwin FRS FRGS FLS FZS, 1809–1882, English naturalist, geologist, biologist, best known for his On The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, 1859. Image c. 1854

On Previous Vertebrate Evolution. According to Josh Babbatiss at bbc.com, August 15, 2016, “Although the backbone is one of the most important innovations in the history of life, its origins have long been shrouded in mystery.”

Title page of On The Origin of Species By Means of Natural Selection Or The Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life, 1859.

The Cambrian Explosion, 500 Million B.C. Gabbatiss describes, “The evolutionary leap that birthed the vertebrates took place during the Cambrian period around 500 million years ago. Prior to this, life had been a pretty simple affair for hundreds of millions of years; single cells drifted around, occasionally getting together to form a colony.”

Some political scientists note that another name for this getting together of spineless life is the Republican Party during the Trump administration, 2016–2020, though there are those who have objected irrationally to this second date.

According to The Washington Post, December 8, 2020, the newspaper “surveyed every Republican in Congress, but just 27—about 1 in 10—would say Biden is president-elect. It seems the courage to take a position, as is often the case in politics, is in short supply.” 

The Republican Explosion, January 6, 2021. Yet political scientists note the speedy evolution of vertebrates occurring after Trump followers invaded the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021. 

In hours, not millennia, a good number of Republicans have suddenly evolved spine enough to agree with their rare vertebrate colleague Mitt Romney who said, indeed, this was “an insurrection incited by the President of the United States.”

As reported by Susan B. Glasser in The New Yorker, January 7, 2021, another Republican vertebrate Representative Liz Cheney told Fox News, “There is no question that the President formed the mob. The President incited the mob. The President addressed the mob. He lit the flames. This is what America is not.”

Above, Senator Mitt Romney, R-Utah. His vote in the Trump Impeachment confirmed his rare Republican vertebrate nature. Image from ABC News, January 6, 2021.  Below, Representative Liz Cheney, R-Wyoming, a daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney. Image from politico.com, November 1, 2020.

AND THEN THERE ARE THE VINOS. The majority of Republicans are much later in their evolution. Also, it’s a mystery to scientists that some Republicans, Senators Mitch McConnell, Lindsay Graham, and Kelly Loeffler among them, have evolved highly selective opportunistic vertebrate behavior, known as VINOs, “Vertebrates In Name Only.” 

Above, Mitch McConnell, the U.S. Senate’s soon-to-be ex-majority leader. Image from BuzzFeed News, January 6, 2021. Below, Kelly Loeffler, soon-to-be ex-Senator. Image from CBS News, January 6, 2021.

Perhaps evolutionary scientists of the future will term this the Warp Speed Republican Explosion. ds

© Dennis Simanaitis, SimanaitisSays.com, 2021

5 comments on “SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH: REPUBLICANS EVOLVE TO HAVE SPINES IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS!

  1. Mark W
    January 9, 2021

    Let’s hope their belated development continues, there are already those who clearly feel awkward with that boney thing in their back…

  2. Paul M Everett
    January 9, 2021

    Those of us in Wyoming who have been appalled at the events of the past four years, and especially the past week, have been pleasantly surprised and gratified by Rep. Cheney’s statements. At the same time we are dismayed that our newly and unfortunately elected Sen. Lummis joined six other senators in objecting to the Pennsylvania electoral votes — even after the riot stormed the Capitol. Ach du lieber.

  3. Jack Mason
    January 9, 2021

    Now if there was just some development within the cranium . . .

  4. Ken Zino
    January 9, 2021

    I will switch to another discipline. This is a temporary result. Watch for the regression to the mean (both senses). Grin and groan – Z

  5. Name Withheld (live in Trump Country)
    January 10, 2021

    Unfortunately, absent a magic Skele-Gro potion, the backbone that develops this quickly is likely to be weak. We should rejoice that (slightly) more than half of US voters acted intelligently this time. We need to grow that, but expect resistance. And for those who are “resisting” the development of a Venezuela syndrome, look in a mirror, Venezuela is you.

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