BRIBES? LET’S CALL THEM “GIFTS”

I WAS RESEARCHING THE PASSAGE OF CASH in CAVA bags, and what better source than Brewer’s Rogues, Villains & Eccentrics?

Brewer’s Rogues, Villains & Eccentrics: An A–Z of Roguish Britons Through the Ages, by William Donaldson, Cassell, 2002.

As expected, Brewer’s led me on a merry chase: Bribes sent me to “Two Pounds of Walls Pork Sausage and a Week in Bournemouth.” Clearly a good start. Then two pounds of Walls pork sausage and a week in Bournemouth referenced “See Belcher, Harry.”

Politician, Railway Clerk, and Recipient of “Gifts.” Brewer’s recounts, “A former employee of the Great Western Railway, and MP for Sowerby in Yorkshire, Belcher was the only member of Clement Atlee’s rigorously honourable governments (1945–51) to be involved in a scandal—and that misfortune might have been avoided had his barrister not referred to ‘bribes’ received by his client when he had meant to say ‘gifts.’ ”

Brewer’s continues, “As parliamentary secretary of the Department of Trade, Belcher prided himself on always keeping his door open to leading figures in the commercial world. Among those to take advantage of such easy access was Sir Horace Bloch, head of the Glasgow distillers, Bloch Brothers Ltd. In a two-month period, Sir Horace furnished Belcher with 56 bottles of sherry, in return, it was claimed, for three import licenses for ‘essential’ business supplies.”

Brewer’s then describes, “A more sinister visitor to Belcher’s office was Sydney Stanley, also known as Solomon Wulkan Hymans, a key fixer in the black market that thrived after World War II. Belcher gratefully received gifts and favours from Stanley, including a three-piece suit, a £68 gold cigarette case, two pounds of Walls pork sausage and a holiday in Bournemouth.”

Hmm… Bournemouth? Brewer’s cites this “South-coast resort celebrated for the quality of its thés dansants. See Belcher, Harry; Rattenbury, Alma.” And, yes, Brewer’s says of Alma, “At the weekly thé dansant at the Pavilion she was thought to make herself too conspicuous in the rumba.”

You know the type.

Back to Belcher. Alas, Brewer’s reports, “Belcher was found guilty of having dishonestly used his influence as a member of government. He resigned as an MP on the day the report was debated in the House of Commons. He went back to work on the railways, rising in time to the position of assistant goods master at King’s Cross. He died in 1964, leaving £600.”

Details of his Bournemouth holiday appear to have gone undocumented.

A Story As Timely As Today’s Headlines…. David Smith reports “Democrats Urge Trump Border Czar Investigation Over Bribery Allegation,” The Guardian, September 22, 2025. 

Trump border czar Tom Homan. Image by Doug Mills/The New York Times. 

“Democrats,” Smith recounts, “have urged treasury watchdogs to investigate reports that Donald Trump’s border czar Tom Homan accepted a $50,000 bag of cash from an undercover FBI agent in return for political favours. In the alleged scheme, Homan promised immigration-related government contracts when he joined the Trump administration in exchange for the money, according to unnamed sources quoted by multiple media outlets.”

“The justice department,” Smith continues, “subsequently shut down a bribery investigation. On Monday, Congressman Dave Min of California, a member of the House of Representatives oversight committee, wrote to treasury inspector general Russell George and treasury inspector general for tax administration Russell Martin to call for scrutiny of whether Homan reported the payment and whether it was connected to his private consulting firm.”

“Under federal law, all income, legal or illegal, must be reported to the IRS, including payments stemming from bribery,” Smith’s report notes.

It may be too early to tell, but apparently thus far Homan is in better legal shape than the lamentable Mr. Belcher. On the other hand, to the best of my research Homan never got to Bournemouth.

On a Satirical Note. See also Alexandra Petri’s “Sure, Let’s Try Bribes,” The Atlantic, September 23, 2025. Petri writes, “If we’re going through the federal budget in search of areas to cut, I would maybe cut the budget line where we pay Tom Homan $50,000 in cash, consequence-free, to demonstrate that he is susceptible to bribes. I would cut that before the pediatric-cancer research, personally.”

Petri continues, “Just to explain what happened: Last year Tom Homan, the border czar, was allegedly recorded accepting $50,000 in cash in a bag (specifically, a bag from CAVA, the Mediterranean fast-casual chain) from undercover FBI agents posing as government contractors in a sting operation, in which Homan intimated that he would now try to steer DHS contracts their way.”

“When the Trump administration took over,” she observes, “it dropped the case. FBI Director Kash Patel even said that there was ‘no evidence of wrongdoing.’ Homan also denies doing anything wrong. Remember, a wad of money in a weird bag intended for food only looks like a bribe, as a City Hall adviser recently explained.”

Image from ETMarkets.com via The Economic Times. 

Petri reasons (her satirical tongue firmly in cheek), “Just because someone accepts a bag of cash to steer contracts a certain way doesn’t mean he has done anything wrong. Donald Trump didn’t get where he is today by refusing to take money from people. What, you’re supposed to discriminate against money just because it’s in cash in a CAVA bag, rather than in the form of someone buying your special novelty crypto coin?” ds

© Dennis Simanaitis, SimanaitisSays.com, 2025