COUNTERING A CURRENT BIGHEAD

AN INSCRIPTION READS THAT I BOUGHT William Cole’s The Bedside Book of Bigheads back when it was new, long before our Narcissist-in-Chief came down that escalator on June 15, 2015, in the building he so egotistically established.

But it’s never too late to celebrate Cole’s sense of humor amidst the current chaos. 

The Bedside Book of Bigheads, edited by William Cole, John Murray, 1995.

“Each person, we know,” William Cole wrote in his Introduction, “considers himself the centre of the universe. Thus it is not surprising that some hold that opinion to excess…. 

Here are selected tidbits of bigheads gleaned from Cole’s collection. They range from Actors, Philosophers, and Writers to  Statesmen and Politicians, Royals, and Assorted Egos. At the time of Cole’s editing, Trump was merely one of the Assorted Egos—which you’ll encounter here anon.

Issac Asimov. “I am the beneficiary of a lucky break in the genetic sweepstakes.”

Bette Davis. “There’s only one of us in each country.”

I’m reminded of Walt Disney when he became incensed by an Orson Welles pitch at his studio: “There’s not room on this lot for two geniuses!” 

Several Cole choices express humorous aspects of being egotistical:

Robert Benchley. “It took me fifteen ears to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.”

Raymond Chandler. “Yes, I am exactly like the characters in my books. I am very tough and have been known to break a Vienna roll with my bare hands. I am very handsome, have a powerful physique and change my shirt every Monday.”

Fran Lebowitz. “Success didn’t spoil me; I’ve always been insufferable.”

A.J. Liebling. “I can write better than anyone who can write faster, and I can write faster than anyone who can write better.”

Which reminds me of Truman Capote’s response to Jacqueline Susann’s “I wrote Valley of the Dolls, and then I wrote The Love Machine, and then….”: “That’s not writing, Jackie; that’s typing.”

Camille Paglia. “I was a parallel phenomenon to businessman-turned politician Ross Perot and radio personalities Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern, with their gigantic nationwide following. We have widely different political views but all four of us, with our raging egomania and volatile comic personae tending toward the loopy, helped restore free speech to America.”

I like Paglia’s subscribing to the word “loopy.”

Oscar Wilde. “I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”

Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde, 1854–1900, Irish poet and playwright. Image from the Oscar Wilde in America website.

George Sanders.  Zsa Zsa Gabor said, “We were both in love with him… I fell out of love with him, but he didn’t.” 

Alas, perhaps he did as well: Actor George Sanders, dying by his own hand, wrote, “Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.” 

Oscar Levant. “What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.”

Also: “I think a lot of Bernstein—but not as much as he does.”

I’ve long enjoyed Levant’s acerbic humor (and portraying essentially himself in movies).

Sir Winston Churchill and Lady Astor were known for wonderful exchanges. Cole offers solo efforts:

Winston Churchill. “We are all worms, but I do believe that I am a glow-worm.”

Nancy Astor. “My vigor, vitality and cheek repel me. I am the kind of woman I would run from.”

Presidents are included in Cole’s collection. Here’s my fav.

Theodore Roosevelt. His daughter said, “My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding, and the baby at every christening.”

And here’s a chillingly prescient observation:

Richard Nixon. “When the President does it, that means that it is not illegal.” 

Sound familiar?

Trump is included by way of a dated observation by humorist Arsenio Hall: “The reason they’re giving for the divorce is that Donald Trump has been having a long-term affair with himself.” 

Thanks, William Cole, for your research of bigheads. ds

© Dennis Simanaitis, SimanaitisSays.com, 2025