MISS MANNERS AND TRUMP PART 2

TRUMP’S UTTERLY CALLOUS COMMENTS following the recent Minnesota horrors prompted me to consult Miss Manners as something of a purgative. Here in Part 2 we continue with her views on picking fights with friends, discussing one thing and another, coping with the world as it is, and even dealing with a complex family matter.

On Rudeness Returned. A Miss Manners post in UExpress, May 21, 2021, advised “Stop Picking Fights If You Want to Stay Friends.” 

Miss Manners advised, in a classical Greek mode, “Athena pardoned Orestes for killing his mother because she foresaw an endless chain of vendettas depopulating ancient Greece. For an equally heartfelt reason—if one less likely to stain the carpet—Miss Manners reminds you that one rudeness (whatever your friend no doubt said that made you feel virtuous in your outburst) does not justify another.”

Subjects to Avoid. A reader asks in June 24, 2024, “What are the three main subjects you should not discuss socially?”

“Only three?,” Miss Manners responds. “You must be joking. Now, almost any topic causes offense. Politics, of course. Sex, not because people are squeamish (which has not been the case in a century, if ever), but in regard to issues of orientation and identity. Religion, not only because it is intertwined with politics and sex, but also as an identity issue.” 

“But those three are not all. Food, for example, has become a controversial subject in terms of both nutrition and ethics. As for the weather being the only ‘safe’ topic left—not if the conversation turns to climate change.”

Topics O.K., Approaches Wrong. “Miss Manners does not want to limit topics; she just wants to limit the way they are discussed. People who listen respectfully to those with whom they disagree, refrain from using personal invectives, state their points objectively and, if necessary, accept that differences remain, should be able to hold conversations on any topic with those who observe the same courtesies.”

“But such people seem to be in short supply now.” 

Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, by Judith Martin, W.W. Norton & Company, 2025.

From Her Guide. In its Advanced Civilization section on Attacking, a reader asks, “Do you have any words of wisdom for those of us caught up in the culture of attack politics, ‘gotcha’ journalism, in-your-face social behavior and general incivility that is all the rage these days?….  There are those individuals who help me keep a sort of balance and I am most grateful for them. But the world is too much with us. Help!”

Miss Manners responds, “GENTLE READER: Well, yes, it is with us, isn’t it? But it strikes Miss Manners that rudeness can win only if people imitate it or vote for it.”

Hmm….

And, On Making Others Comfortable/Uncomfortable: “If you are rude to your ex-husband’s new wife at your daughter’s wedding, you will make her feel smug. Comfortable. If you are charming and polite, you will make her feel uncomfortable. Which do you want to do?”

And another hmm…. Thanks, Miss Manners.

© Dennis Simanaitis, SimanaitisSays.com, 2025